i just wanna relax now..
please dun ask me bout other..
i just wanna be free of thinking..
i know you all worried bout me..
i know you all concern bout me..
but...can you all please give me a break?

i am waiting..
waiting for the right timing,
waiting for the right place,
and waiting for the right post...
please...try to understand me...
and let me out...
i am doing...just you all dunno bout it..
so, please...give me a break and give me some time...
and this what i need...

morning view always the best..

sunrise on 29th march 7.25am

nice ehs???

清明时节雨纷纷，路上行人欲断魂，

借问酒家何处有，牧童遥指杏花村。


相信吗？这是我人生中第一次回家乡祭祖。

爷爷奶奶离开我都已远远超过了十个年头，

大伯离开也已将近三个年头了。

我这才回去祭拜他们。

或许应该说，因为我今年在本土。

然而这次回去，竟然让我发现到一些不可理喻的习俗。

妈妈竟然不被允许到外公外婆的坟墓祭拜？！

我们这些外孙儿女更不必言语。

妈妈说这是自古以来的习俗，

外嫁的女儿是不能祭拜父母的。

除非过世的老人们没有儿子，

那就另当别论。这是什么歪理？他们都不是我们的亲人吗？


祭祖仪式即简单又隆重。

在案上的祭品有糕点，水果，酒，茶，饭，素菜，等等。。。

花，香烛，纸扎品是不可缺少的。

除掉墓碑四周的杂草，开始了祭祖的仪式。

先把祭品都摆放好在案，

把蜡烛点燃，把香插好，开始给祖先们敬茶，酒。

要依照辈分。然后把纸扎品用火化掉。

祭祖仪式完毕后，后辈们得将案上的祭品平分，

各自回家，意味着后辈们都得到祖先们的庇佑。


拜祭过爷爷奶奶后，

到了大伯的坟前，重复了之前的步骤。

然后想要到外公外婆的坟前上香，

也许外公外婆不希望妈妈被思想古老的舅舅们责骂，

我们花上了半个小时，都找不到他们的墓碑。

爸爸和妈妈也都放弃了上香的念头。


在回KL的路上，

脑袋里不停的转，

Uncle说的每一句都没错。

患得患失的感觉一直困扰着我，

他要我把所有都放下，

慢慢的把心静下来，

别把所有的事都扛起来。

说的奇怪，听他把话说完后，

我的心也就真的静了，

人觉得舒服多了。

我已经好了80% 。。

我会恢复以前的我。。。

每天都没有烦恼的我。。。

烦恼？给我滚！！！

pass 12am now..
i still sitting in the office..
but yup, i spending my time here to blog
b4 they finish thier thing...

i really hope my life like urs..
hmm...few movies per week...
hanging around with those ppl who loves you...
but..narh...not for me...cos if i like this,
honestly i will BROKE!

well, yep came jus now..
asking me if i wan a Thailand boy to be my BF..
NO!!! Thanks...
Relationship...NO NO NO...
not for now...

jus wanna be free and relax..
dun come near me...

i realise something after sunday night...
human really very tiny in this universal...
i never been like this b4..not even once...
dad and mum are freaky scared and worry...
christine told me, dad drove damn fast that nite...
even wilson feel tat dad was worried lots...

i sort like regret to tell you bout me that nite..
cos i know these will let u worry to the max..
but if i never tell you, and u found it out..
i think i will be suffer to the max...

i am weak after sunday..
still now...

i need to disappear for sometime...
people, dun worry...
i jus need sometime to cool down...
to clear something that stuck in my mind...

you re right,
i am exhausted...cos i really feel no strength at all...
no more strength...

jus now mummy give me a call...
this is the very 1st time she called me during i work..
i wondering if there any urgent thing happen,
i kept asking her but she say nothing,
and suddenly pop up a question,
do u have enough money to use?
i say i did...and i heard her voice had changed..
sound like she cried...
my heart was ached...
she told me everything dun think negative...
dun think silly thing..
if not enough money always can tell her...

actually there something that i never blog...
a weeks back when i back from the trip tgt with ling and my girl,
when the night that i was arranging the photo of mine..
those passport size de...
i found that 1 of that look good,
and i tell teresa, this wad i say : if 1day, i suddenly leave the family,
and nt be coming back, u know which photo to choose for me le...
teresa said i am crazy...
seriously i din even knw i y ask tat kind of question...
and very fast den i forget liao...
den last nite go pasar malan with christine,
this question pop again...and i told christine too...
finally i had a dream last nite...
my tooths drop...not because i get old in my dream..
but jus drop, and not only 1..but all...
when i split it out in my hand, all tooth...
and is damn true..the feeling damn true...
when i wake up, the 1st thing i check is my tooth..

i told mummy bout the dream during breakfast...
i ask her if there any hint there...she say i mi xing..
den i stop asking le...till christine came for breakfast after i go work,
mummy told her bout my dream, and christine bring up wad last nite i had told her..
and ask mummy if possible, try to check with uncle see wad happen to me...
and this make mummy worry and cry...

'i am sorry mummy, i jus let u worry bout me for nothing,
i never think that silly thing again...
but i seriously never purposely go think...
jus suddenly pop up like that...
mummy please dun cry..i dun wan your heart break...'

从来没有想过当我静下来时应该做些什么，
也许该想想将来？
我觉得妈妈开始担心我的未来，
换句话说，她开始为我的终身大事而操心了。
妈妈并没有单刀直入的告诉我，
她在暗示暗示着，
但我还是始终我还是应酬应酬了她，
就不了了事。这也许是我太敏感。

人长大了就一定要谈婚论嫁吗？
难道一个人就不能好好生活吗？
女生难道就不能自力吗？
这是什么歪理？？

' i swear i won be seeing you again in my life regardless what!!!!!!!'
you totally a jerk!!!!!!! just keep whatever there with you, no need to return to me...
i won take it even you did, it will ended up in the rubbish bin......

few days back i had send him the msg...
but ignore by him...well...jerk!!!
is okie...
rach had remind me bout this...thru her blog..
but narh...i won blame her..
everything is fine...

and you, stay strong!!

wow...last nite massage was nice..damn nice...
shoick...back massage was the best...
wake up 12pm this afternoon...
hmmm....nice....

todae work is fine...
not that rush...ehmmm...
nothing much to blog...

and to racheltanhuisian,
please rest early and dun always stay till late night...
is not good...

Jack had run away...
he really did it...and lee ask agent to report police...
and he really meant it...
worrying bout jack,
without passport..where can he go?
i hope that he will be back...
at least after talk we can find the way out for him...

spending sometime to talk to lee...
i knew him been stress up...
he stress himselve up to control the staff..
and he really dunno how to let go...
try asking him, if he can jus relax abit...
he seem like understand, but seem like he din...
hope that he can really relax abit...
at least staff can relax while he in the restaurant...

he told me he rather staff scared of him,
but staff respect me and powpey...
which mean, he wan me and powpey take care of the staff...
what a good plan of him...
but ya, i think i will try out...
they need a third party there to solve the problem as well...

perhaps everything work...
ya, i am still waiting for job...
but for now,
what i can do is...
HOLD IT ON...

walao...ehs i din expect 11pm plus the traffic still like shit..
JAMMED...the way toward to Yng's place...
i like wtf sias...this late liao still will jammed..
but anw, i not in a hurry to be there either..

feeling is different from the last time i met her..
shd say she had growing stronger? or weaker?
she smiling at me all the time, but i can feel it like nt tat happy...
maybe she jus like my dearest rabbit, dun wan me to be worry...

Relationship, really hurt people a lots...
i know her well i can say...
but still maybe cos of she temper, attitude...
but if i wanna blame,
i will blame on guys...

getting to see lots of relationship turning become like shit..
Yng is not the only one among my fren...
front of me there are few of them...
even some of them had get married...with kids...
what re guys doing nowaday??

* i din meant it to all the guys here...*

well, the earth keep on turning and turning around,
we cant stop either... so lets move on...
give yourself a break...a break makes you going on...

okie, is consider a shitty day...
upset stomach lead me run countless time of toilet...
and 'niu dao' my leg sias...
stupid staircase...i shdnt had blame the staircase...
yarh...jus pain, for both leg...

and yes...i now still sitting in office,
cos customer yet go...
lee text me this evening when i happily enjoying my dinner..
and is sort like spoil my mood again...
he say he gt something to discuss with me...
phew~~~ lucky tonite i had date with my fren...
we will talk tmr...
and let see what he wanna say this time..

the staff agent came jus now,
to pass me the letter...
Jack (1 of my staff) was asking the agent,
he dun feel like working in this company again..
he wanna go...so and other...
i jus keep quiet...i ask him after few hours den...
he told me actually they keep sms me asking whether i back to JY,
cos they dun wan come work in lee shift..but they worried if is my shift..
and they told me tmr they won be coming to work...
i had tried to talk to them nicely,
get them to talk to lee, if they really not happy working
lee will let them go ( perhaps )...
but if they did this, lee will take the chance to fire them...
i dun wan this happen...

the conclusion i have to this company is :
they had catch the mice into the place where keep rice...
they make themselve difficult after promote this guy,
and this guy nt helping them to solve prob,
yet creating lots more prob...
i had no way to help them...
seriously...no way...

can anyone help me ???

well, after throw out last nite, i feel better..
but still slepping with an upset stomach..
and this early morning ran into toilet again..
argh...i swear there will NO BEEF for me ever after...
not even pcs of cheese...

IT show...in SG...
i can imagine how busy it is...
although tired...but i miss the day...
i was still a trainee there for the 1st IT show of mine..
from slow speed on the 1st day,
and kena scolded by Wai Wai and Jean..
keeping all those 'gas' into my own stomach...
till the better speed that can chase behide them,
and Wai Wai say i had done a good job...
cant forget every single thing...
i miss them...oh shit...emo-ing again...

but yupp....hahah
emo-ing aledi part of my life..
daily routine...heehee...
no worry...everything getting over soon...
after a blog...

OMG...i really that sensitive to beef product..
jus now when having dinner, i accidently ate a pcs of beef...
i now feeling like throwing out sias...
not even feeling good...
shit shit shit....eeeyyyaaakkk....
argh.....i need to throw it out...but jus cant help...
the whole restaurant now got that kind of beef smile...
aaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhh....
seem like getting worse...worse...
oh shit...every table seem like eating beef, grill-ing beef...
wa kao~~~

Malacca, JB trip with Ling & Rachel March09

this my drink..hmmm but cant rmb the name...taste like orange juice
ling's drink, taste like honeydew... >.< rachel's drink... is the best among us...
sun flower...hmm, i realise tat i love this flower instead of roses...

asam laksa...rachel tot is masak masak...

OMG! i cant rmb the name of this...not even in chinese word...

chicken rice in malacca...is the special chicken rice there...

rice in ball shape...

三轮车, beca..but in english..i dunno >.<

dunno wad..

Red house

...dunno...

kangkong, our dinner in JB

hokkien mee

cheese prawn, taste good...but i cant take much...

deep fried squid

kota tinggi waterfall

coozy...and nice

i was trying to recall thru photo tat taken by rachel...

this only part of the photo...

i will post up more later ...

spending the whole day at home...
wake up around 11am, chat a while online...
lunch (i suppose is brunch)...den online for little nyonya
den talking to rachel..den go out for a cup of coffee...
and home den lack at home...

i not tat lonely actually,
jus dun feel like going out...
maybe after these few days long time driving?
hmm...i am fine...

teresa met an accident jus now
she is fine...jus the leg she complaint pain
the car worse...
but yupp, as long as she is fine, who care bout the car...

good luck for everything, everyone...
life getting harder and harder

i am now blogging with my eyes half close...
i wasnt slep well last nite..
hmmm....cos of the car parking..lol
and also, rachel took the whole blanket agian... >.<
yes...we went for movie...PINK PANTHER 2
i love to see u laugh...and the movie is nice... (=

drove back from SG all the way to KL...
the rain is heavy...and start all the way from JB to KL as well..
we can see the dark sky...lighting...yup...scary
rainy day driving more tiring...
still...we are home...

sort like emo-ing while step back to msia
i miss ppl in SG... life there...every single place there...gt my memory there..
no matter sweet, or sad...
gathering with tw, ju, rach and lionel at HG Plaza...
we talk lots bout our pass working time..
funny thing, happy thing...sad thing..everything...
maybe i really miss them lots...until emo-ing every single day...
i shd have used to it.......used to it soon...

maybe u won get to knw wad happen to me..
life here, ppl here...emo-ing actually become part of my life...
and it happen EVERYDAY...
i will never deny that i miss and love you!

this is the 1st time i drove my darling from KL to SG..
thanks for chin ling, pei-ing me all the while...
but feel bad cos feel that she being left out..

not the 1st time being at Kota Tinggi WaterFalls,
but is the 1st time seeing the silly darling playing with the water...
she was so happy...ling ling cant play with water...haha cos she not fang bian..

Malacca trip quite nice..
but jus feeling tired...cos driving all the way up and down...
walking along the Jonker Street, looking for those special de hand kraft..
hot spring...well, i get my arm 'burn' there..sun burn...
haha, the water is damn hot...but but but...hahah very 'shuang'..

and now i in SG...ling ling not with me..
she with ken...i feel damn bad...damn bad
i like 'throwing' her a side...
i jus very tired...and i got no time to bring her around...
so i suggest ken to bring her around..
hmmm...sorry ling...really feel bad on it..

i hope u enjoy urself...

*dear, i need you to be independent...
i need you to be strong...
i need you to be there for mummy...
and i need you to be there for me...*

well, is a good day after the meeting
after everything being settle...
phew...relax and lighter now...
and YES!!! frinday is coming...

budget spending for coming trip...
but yup, i think only will spend more on fuse and tols...
well people, after todae..i will see u all again on 11th...ehs, no is 12th...
anything~~

and of cos i waiting for 8th and 9th too...perhaps there some good news for me..
and yup...cheer up babe!!!

okie, sir mark spend 2.5hours to talk to me bout my confirmation
after a 4hours meeting after all...
freaky hungry and tired....jus realize that after he talk to me,
is near to closing time...

is a nice guy of him to spend time to explain to me...
but hmmm...honestly..my heart had died...
yup...confirmation letter...i had signed..
but job, i still finding...
jus the time being actually...

they talking bout expend busniess by doing delivery...
yes, not a bad idea...i bring up part of my working experience...
but...yea, anw...u are not able to chg my mind to staying back den...

good night ppl...
i am damn tired...
but at least i now feel light and free...

last nite meeting was suck...
dunno wad the hell he wanna talk about..
nothing more than chit chating?
gosh...shd had let me home and slep...

and later 3pm another meeting...
wad the shit..argh..
dun like to having meeting with them at all..
pointless sio...everytime saying the same thing...
nothing different...

LING LING!!!!!!
i chg my shift...i will working moring shift tmr,
and can punch out 7pm...
and i can start pack my things liao...
AND AND FRIDAY morning can meet u early liao...
wee....wee.....friday is coming!!!!!!

well, finish another day...
will have a meeting later,dunno wad the hell he wan..
but mentally prepared...
after this meeting, must get a good slep and another meeting will come tmr..
3pm...walao eh...suffer!!!

my precious...once agian...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!
love you much... ^^

Happy Sweet 18th my pisces


hmm...is a bit early, but i dun wan to be late...
have a great day and...
you are always pampered and loved...

2nd day of march...
doesnt seem peace enough...
finish all those shitty report of mine,
inventory, petty cash reimburshment...
submit parcel...
den phone rang non-stop...
people, is non-stop...
after phone ring, den msn...
all came by office ppl...
again...cash prob...wth...

spending the whole day in office...after those shitty calls and msn...
hack care...i online watch drama...little nyonya...
some of the part was so touch...
sob sob...eyes become tired...

you are right, really something bothering me...
but i cant bear to let u worry...
anw, you make me forget all about the trouble and prob...
love you...

god damn tired for yesterday nite...
work like hell...running up and down...
i really dunno him...
slice machine got problem, of cos the order will slow down..
i dunno why he get so angry...
technical prob can be explain to customer...
cust can wait de ok? dun ever go and scold ppl stupid...
if u so bravo, u urself go in and cut the meat lorh...
the meat hard and frozen..u tot easy to cut huh?
and hand cut of cos not as nice as machine slice ok...
sometimes i was thinking where ur brain sia...
u can anyhow scold ppl stupid, but do u think u smart enough?

5days more...stop and relax...
hmmmm...lady boss...dun forget to bring my candys ya...